I feel like every blog post lately should be titled, "slacking." I don't even know if I would call it slacking. Lately, I am trying to stay busy all day that I forget I miss Joey and forget to blog! I'm mostly staying busy because I know that as soon as 4 pm rolls around, Joey will be home from school and I will go off to work and I will come home and he will be asleep already. It's completely depressing and on days like today when his bus is running two minutes late and I don't have the time to wait for my child to get off the bus to do the "kiss and run" as we've named it before I have to leave, I hate it. I fight tears walking into work because I know I haven't seen him since 8am and I won't see him for a full 24 hours until he wakes in the morning. I can't do it. I just want to crumble and never go back to work especially if it is work with nothing to gain except money. Especially if it is working at a place that I truly have come to loath and a place that I can't even feel like a fraction of the human that I want to be. I just can't justify going to make money and missing out on the most important thing in my life. So, I have decided that if I don't give up on that job soon I will hate myself. Today was Joey's picture day and I didn't get to ask him how it went or razz him about how he smiled. We joked over cereal this morning that he was going to pretend to think about the little girl he has named his "lovebird" when he got his picture taken and I showed him the spot on the school years frame where his 1st grade photograph would go. With the exception of that conversation, I didn't get to talk to my little man today and there isn't enough money in the world to keep me from that. Granted, I have about 1000000000000000000000000 photos that I have taken that are completely and totally better than the posey school photo that he will bring home but it's still a big day for him and I feel like the worst parent on Earth that I didn't get to talk to him about it or about what his special "lovebird" was wearing on picture day. I just miss my kiddo and I miss my Jason and I need to ditch working at nights and focus on what is truly important to me. Otherwise, I am going to miss the big moments and before I know it he will be walking off to get his drivers license, college and getting married to that "lovebird."